Your house was very small…

…with woodchip on the wall

Woodchip & Pencil

Image details: ‘Woodchip & Pencil’ by monikahoinkis, via Flickr

I like Common People. Just not woodchip. It’s the most evil stuff known to man. I have no idea why anyone would ever think it stylish or even useful. I consider it to be a crime against humanity. It’s certainly an instrument of torture that has been liberally used (along with other hideous textured, often clashing, wallpapers) in the rented hovel that is Shinybees HQ. Coated with about a century’s worth of magnolia paint, several hundred layers of which are probably lead-based and which has now adopted a certain and not at all attractive yellowish hue, I regularly wake up in the night in a cold sweat, having just had a nightmare about how badly the porridge-effect walls are affecting my creative mojo. I am quite convinced that, whilst it probably holds together this asbestos ridden palace that Jack wouldn’t even claim to have built, there has to be another way to disguise the fact that there is a foot-wide crevasse in the walls where there should be plaster.
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